The responsibilities that come as a result of a loved one passing can be overwhelming, especially as you’re grieving. You might be wondering, “Do I actually need an obituary?”
It’s not a legal requirement, but it’s a nice way to pay tribute to your loved one. However, there are times when people don’t an obituary. Here are some common reasons why you may or may not need to post one.
Key Takeaways
Reasons why you need an obituary include paying tribute, sharing the loss, connecting people and helping with the grieving process.
An obituary is not necessary if the deceased requested not to have it, there are financial constraints or if alternative options are preferred.
Consider things like privacy, the family's opinion and budget when deciding if you need an obituary.
6 Reasons You Need An Obituary
An obituary serves more than just the purpose of notifying people of a loved one's passing. It's a way to honor the deceased's life, family, memory and achievements.
1. To Pay Tribute
An obituary is a tribute to the deceased and a way to honor them. Think of an obituary as a type of biography of your loved one. You aren’t just writing an obituary for the sake of notifying people a loved one has passed away.
People include achievements at work, education, hobbies and contributions to their community. You can include poems, a special prayer, or a message that you find meaningful or that the deceased had a connection to.
Professional Obituary Writer, Katharine Blossom Lowrie, notes:
“The joy comes in discovering those definitive quirks and mannerisms, the little nuances that flesh out living, breathing individuals.”
2. To Share the Loss
Coping with grief is much more manageable when you have a community to share and lighten the weight of it.
Creating an obituary and sharing it with people you know is a method to communicate your loss. Opening up about your grief serves as an excellent relief for loneliness.
Usually, when an obituary is shared, family and friends will share prayers and condolences to the family of the deceased, which many people find as a source of comfort.
Announcing one's death frequently results in many offers from people to lend support. They supply meals for grieving households, extend help to coordinate funeral plans, provide rides for children's school commute, or they simply offer emotional support or companionship.
3. It Helps With the Grieving Process
For many people, writing an obituary is therapeutic and helps with the grieving process. When writing about your loved one, you remember and recount all your memories of them, which is one of the stages of grieving.
It helps you relive those memories in a safe space to reflect on them and why they were important to you. Sometimes, multiple family members or friends can help write the obituary and heal together.
4. It Connects People
Sharing an obituary is a way to connect with people you may not have seen in a while.
Grief brings people together, and an obituary bonds people as they recount and relive the memories of the deceased.
It also serves as an invitation to the funeral or memorial service with all the details provided. If the deceased's family and friends are spread across the world, sharing an obituary online is the easiest way to connect with them.
5. It Preserves Their Memory
An obituary is a good way to preserve the memory of your loved one by writing it down and immortalizing those thoughts and feelings forever.
Whether you post an obituary in the paper or online, keeping a copy of it will ensure you have a piece of history to remind you of them.
6. The Deceased Requested It
Sometimes, before a person passes away, they will have a plan for what to do afterward. This can include a specific request for an obituary and special considerations for a funeral or memorial service.
The deceased may have asked for specific information to be mentioned in the obituary, such as photos, or lyrics to a favorite song or a poem. If they requested an obituary, it’s up to you to respect their wishes and write one.
Reasons You Don’t Need an Obituary
There are times when you do not need an obituary, and when sharing one may actually cause more pain.
1. Privacy Concerns
Sharing an obituary is more than telling people your loved one has passed on. You're sharing their life story, dreams and accomplishments.
Sometimes, the family may not want to share this information with strangers who read the newspaper or online articles, and they will choose not to post an obituary.
Also, if the death is traumatic and there is a lot of grief, the family might not want to share too many details and will choose a simple death notice instead.
2. Budget Constraints
Obituaries can be costly depending on where they’re shared and what they contain. For example, newspapers charge per line and daily for obituaries. So the longer you want your obituary shared, the more it will cost. Including photos and additional content also adds up. Costs range from $200 to $500.
If the family is working with budget constraints, they may skip the obituary to contribute more toward the funeral. In this case, a death note is used.
3. An Obituary Is Not a Legal Requirement
Posting an obituary is not a legal requirement and is a sentimental action. Families don't have to publish one if they don't want it or do not have the funds to do so.
While you do not have to share a death note or obituary, you must file a death certificate with your state's office. This needs to be done by a medical certifier. Immediate family members, beneficiaries of the will or estate administrators file it.
Filing a death certificate may require gathering information about the deceased person. That’s where Trustworthy comes in. Our Family Operating System helps keep your family documents organized and secure, so in a time like this, you can easily access all the necessary information.
4. Cultural Traditions and Differences
Some cultures have different ways of viewing death and commemorating one's life. They may choose not to share an obituary, and friends and family should respect this decision.
For example, in the Islam religion, it’s common practice for the deceased to be buried within 24 hours, so an obituary is not an important priority in the burial rites.
5. Alternative Options are Preferred
Alternative options include creating a memorial website or page on social media that allows people to write their own "obituaries" for the deceased.
Families may also choose to post a death notice.
Other ways of honoring the deceased include hosting an intimate gathering, donating to charity or even planting a tree in their memory.
6. The Deceased Did Not Want One
Before your loved one passes on, they may leave a special request not to have an obituary published, and this could be for many reasons. For example, if they had a complicated past or suffered from mental issues or addictions, they may wish to keep that private.
Also, people might want to remove the burden and pressure from a friend or family member that comes with writing an obituary.
Finally, if the deceased did not have a very big or close family, they may request the family not to write an obituary. Whatever the reason, these wishes should be respected.
How to Decide Whether to Write an Obituary
How do you decide whether or not to write and publish an obituary? When making this decision, there are some key factors you should consider.
1. Take Everyone’s Wishes Into Consideration
If they had specifically requested to have an obituary or not to have one, then your decision is made. Also, consider the opinions of your family. Do they want an obituary, or do they wish to retain some privacy? If they want one, be sure to ask them if there is anything specific they’d like to include.
2. Think About Your Finances
Is there money available for an obituary? If not, or if the family does not want to spend money on it, you won't need one. Instead of an obituary, you can publish a simple announcement like a death notice.
3. Consider the Alternatives Available
If options like a memorial webpage or tree planting ceremony sound more appealing to the family, skip having an obituary. Before deciding on alternative options, you should also get a family consensus.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Why do people write their own obituary?
Some people choose to write their own obituary because they want to control what to include. They might also want to remove the pressure from someone else having to write it.
Who gets mentioned in an obituary?
There are no set rules on who gets mentioned in the obituary. It's up to whoever is writing it to make the decision. Family members, close friends or people who impacted the deceased's life are typically mentioned.
